My favorite show is Sex in the City. It was a show that aired on HBO in the late 90's and ended mid 2000's. As you can guess by the title it's about having sex...in the City. Four women experiencing the ups and downs and complexities of dating all the while having sex. One area it did focus on for one of the characters Charlotte was being in a sex..less marriage. Imagine loving someone in the process of building a future together, both financially stable, but very limited physical connection. For them their honeymoon phase was short lived and pretty much non existence. Charlotte began to feel not only physically and sexually neglected, but emotionally as well.
I couldn't help but wonder...what if you aren't having sex in the relationship? What if you are Sexless in the City?
GASP
Sadly, this is not uncommon and actually more couples are in sex less marriages and relationships. Newsweek did a survey showing 15-20% of couples are in sexless marriages. Other studies show that if you're having sexless than 10 times a year you are in a sexless relationship.
What are the causes?
There can be several factors involved:
ED
Menopause
Lack of desire for each other
Stuck in a routine
Physical injuries
Health issues
Medications
Depression/anxiety
Lack of emotional security
LACK OF CONNECTION
These are valid reasons but if ypu and you partner don't discuss them the problem on festers and there is no healthy solution. Either parry becomes withdrawn from sex and starts to feel betrayed. Then resentment and conflict arises continues to go unresolved. One person wants sex and doesn't know how to articulate their wants and needs or desires, while their partner no longer wants the physical intimacy or sex. Or you have two people who have no desire at all.
Goals How to go from Sex less to Sex fullness
To be satisfied sexually is important for a healthy relationship. Especially a long term relationship. The biggest challenge for creating intimacy is simply acknowledging that there is a problem. This is the first step.
Acknowledge- don't continue to act as if nothing is wrong. You know if it's been more than 2 months without physical intimacy,touch , or sex something isn't right
2. Be mindful of how you view sex with your partner- it shouldn't be thought of as a chore
3. Communicate - talk !! Ask what turns you on? What turns you off? How can we please each other again? Communicate with touch
4. Build the connection again- The connection is lost. Have date nights. Go to the movies, cook together, laugh and be silly together. Walks in the park are great. Gradually build the connection again.
5. Touch- non sexual. Hold hands ,caress each other with soft gentle strokes. Ask your partner, "What does it feel like when I touch you?" Allow yourself to enjoy being touched.
If you're in a sexless relationship you don't have to be. If you don't know where to begin and want further assistance contact me or simply attend Sensual Touch Class.
What does Sexfullness look like ?
What does Sex less look like ?
Have GOODE SEX
TwilaBGoode