Choices and decisions apply to all areas of our lives and we make them daily. From finances to career options to something as small as what we will eat each day decisions and choices are made. These factors are applied especially when it comes to dating. Deciding who we want to spend time with, share our innermost thoughts, and simply making the choice if we want to be in a relationship with that person. I couldn't help but think of all the choices and decisions I've made this year and their impact on my life. One of those decisions I made was to have more of an open mind when it comes to dating and choose who I want to spend time with and allow in my personal space. In the past I wasn't as protective of my space and energy therefore subjecting myself to be surrounded by energy leechers. When we allow people to drain us of our energy, we start to look and feel old. I mean you can't look and feel young if you don't have any energy. Having been divorced 8 years now and have been in situationships, what the fuck ships, and toxicships, I choose to put me first and be in a healthy relationship with myself. I mean really get to know me and enjoy my company. Learn what I like sexually and have a positive and healthy mental state. I figured the only way to be in a healthy relationship with anyone is to first be in a healthy relationship with me. Now, that I have been learning more about myself and meditating daily my energy has changed . There are times I feel there is a glow that surrounds me, my spirit is happy, and overall positive energy illuminates from me. At 44 I am happy, sexy, confident, and give zero fucks about what anyone thinks! I feel like I am in my early 30's until my knees tell me other wise and start poppin like Rice Krispies cereal!
Now, when it comes to dating, in the past for the most part I have always attracted or been attracted to older men. I mean much older. Like retirement age senior citizen coffee McDonalds's older. I really don't know why but, maybe I was giving off " rescue me I have daddy issue vybes" or maybe I simply thought the older that the man is he is more mature and financially stable. Which I later learned was far from the truth. I always had this thing that when it comes to age and dating I would only choose to date 5 years younger than me, but never really had a cutoff if he was older. My thought process was if he is that much younger than me what can we possibly have in common? Do you really have your shit together ? What life experiences have you gone thru? All of this coming from a woman who at the time didn't have her shit together and was a hot ass mess. Now that I am older, a tad bit wiser, and have myself together I have decided that at 44 there are three different age groups I can date. The SON category : 28- 34, the DADDY category : 40-50, and the GRANDADDY category: 55-65. I came to this conclusion after watching two of my favorite shows and recalling one life changing event. How Stella Got Her Groove Back and Episode 6 Season 2 of Sex and the City. In the shows they meet much younger men whom they would have never have given a chance they were happy and did not care what others thought of the age difference. Then I remembered the time after my divorce I met a man 28 and I was 36. I had so much fun and he taught me a lot. He was very successful and surprisingly we had alot in common. Not to mention the sex was amazing. So fast forward to age 44 and recently I have met 4 men all under the age of 30 in the SON category ages 27-29. I know I know 16 years is a big gap, however, I am enjoying myself and they each bring different qualities that I like. Not to mention they are very mature. I even reminded myself that my mother who will be 76 this year is married to a man 16 years younger than her and they have been together for more than 20 years! Do the math and yes, my mother is and was a cougar. The more I say I will not be like my mother I find myself being more like her.
At this point in my life the decisions and choices I make are to do what makes me happy. I used to be concerned about what people would think and now I don't. I have realized that the most important, exciting, and challenging relationship is the one I have with myself and I know that I will find someone to love me the way I love me. Now the question is will he be the SON, the DADDY, or the GRANDADDY? I'll choose the right one. However, for now I will enjoy these adventures with somebody's SON!
Whatever you decide whatever you choose always do what is best for you and what fulfills your happiness. Have that exciting relationship with yourself before choosing who you want to be with.
"Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed, maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.” - Carrie
Stay tuned for episode 4 In The Adventures of Twila " I wanted sex he wanted romance"