As I sit here sipping coffee and watching my favorite tv show Sex and the City for the 50th time, I couldn't help but think about the amount of energy we place on how great we expect sex to be. We meet that special someone and everything is natural and organic. The chemistry and connection isn't forced everything is simply perfect. There is kissing, affection, and the sexual energy is very high. Both of you know that eventually sex will happen and you look forward to it. There may be conversations about what you will do to each other in between the sheets or you may even have thoughts about how you think the other person is in bed . Thoughts so visual that maybe you start to day dream or as I call it sexdream of how it will be. Dreaming of how that person sounds, their touch, and what moves you will use to make the moment unforgettable. The moment has finally arrived the level of excitement is there and it turns out to be TRASH! Well maybe not trash, but it just wasn't what each of you thought it would be. Now a lot can happen for it not to go as planned. Maybe he came too fast and there was no round two for him to redeem himself and now you are just laying in the bed wondering "Is this it?" or if he wasn't what you expected the size of his penis to be and now you can't believe you just had sex with a gherkin ( baby pickles). Or maybe she wasn't what you expected either. She claimed she had WAP and it was really DAP or her head game consisted of nothing but teeth! Clearly teeth should never be involved when giving oral pleasure. What do you do? How do you tell this person who is great in all areas that the sex wasn't so great. How do you get beyond your sexpectation disappointment ? Do you try and redeem yourself? Or do you never contact the person again?
I recall meeting a guy and I couldn't wait to see how he was in bed. I mean I had thoughts about how the experience would be and what signature moves I would use that would captivate him while he was between my thighs. When we finally had sex I guess he thought we were rabbits and apparently his signature move was the " jack rabbit" .There is nothing more disappointing to me than the jack rabbit sex move. "Why is he moving so fast?" "Is this a sex sprint ?" "Does he think I like this?" All of these questions played in my mind as he was on top of me. The faster he moved the closer he moved me towards the headboard and unbeknowst to him making me hit my head. It was like being in a scene from a bad porn movie. All of my sexpectations were shattered and a complete disappointment. I really liked the guy and decided I should him that we were not rabbits and slowing down on the strokes would be better. Educating him on how to please and pleasure me between the sheets without making him feel terrible can be challenging, but much needed at the same time. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but he needed to know. Needless to say round 2 was much much better, therefore making my sexpectations a reality. Now I have to admit there have been one or two occasions where the guy may have expected more from me. I recall the time I fell asleep. Yep fell asleep whislt in the act. He had no problem telling me I fell asleep either. I was so embarassed, but we laughed about the situation and I knew I had to redeem myself and so the next morning I did. Never again will I partake in natural 'edible' herbs prior to having sex. I simply couldn't let his sexpectations be a disappointment. Then there was the time I did have a guy tell me his sexpectation was that I would be more dominant or take more control. I found that to be interesting. I began to wonder should I have pushed him on the bed and used my handcuffs? Or maybe I should have given him orders.
What I do know and what I have learned along my sexual adventures is that prior to having sex communication is key. Being open and honest about what you like and don't like. Where you like to be touched and how you like to be touched because you can be compatible in all areas and the bedroom needs to be one of them. Learn each other and know what their love language is. Realize that everyone is different and all moves aren't labeled as " one move fits all". Know how to receive what your partner is telling you and don't be offended if they suggest something you may not be accustomed to. I have also learned to manage my sexpectations, enjoy the person that I am with, and that sex can and should be fun.
The Great Sexpectations...manage your expectations and have great sex!
Stay tuned for the next episode Nov 18h